Well darn

You ever have one of those days where you wake up in the morning thinking, "Today is going to be one of the most amazing days of my life..."  then you get to the end of it and almost everything went the opposite of what you had thought?  I had one of those days. Dang. 

I tend to do that. I make this plan in my head and then I do everything I can to make it come true. That's actually something I've been trying to stop. See, nobody can make everything they want come true. I sure as heck try though. I need to figure out how to stop doing that.  It's a sure fire way to guarantee disappointment, for yourself and for others. Here's the thing though, when things go "according to plan" they can be truly amazing. I just can't stop myself from trying to make the amazing happen. Though I wish I could be one of those whatever happens kind of guys. 

Today just wasn't one of those "according to plan" days. Some of it was entirely my fault (often times is right?!?) though I swear I didn't realize it at the time. However, some of it wasn't my fault (I refuse to be blamed for a 5:30am text telling me about a work problem that I didn't cause.)  

All that being said, what I thought was going to be one of the most amazing days turned out to suck quite a bit. Not all of it sucked of course. In fact, I had one of the most incredible seconds of my life today (yes that can happen). Add to that, at one point today I had a truly amazing 40 minutes. I then followed it up by causing the worst 40 minutes of the day. I hate it when I do that (I do that too often.)  I swear I didn't mean to.  I think I'm a fairly decent guy, but I can still screw up. 

Why do I bring all that up?  I'm trying to figure out what I should have done differently and typing it out has helped me in the past. If I only had to deal with the things that weren't my fault today would have felt much different. It's always my own choices that cause the most heartache. That being said, should I stop hoping for the perfect day?  I honestly wish I could, but it's been 40 years and I haven't stopped trying to have those perfect days. I definitely need to get back in to see my shrink. 

Anyway, after a day like today I took myself out to dinner. I'm eating Pineapple Fried Rice with chicken and shrimp as I type this on my phone. Yeah, I totally added that to give myself an excuse for any typos.  As always, if I'm not with my boys, I'm having dinner alone. My boys come to my house in the morning and then my mom arrives tomorrow night. I can't wait. Tomorrow will be different. I'm not going to add to the challenges I'm confronted with by making stupid decisions. Well, I sure as heck hope I don't. Only time will tell.