My oldest son is 14 years old, and next week will be his last in the 8th grade. He's going to be a freshman next year. How did that happen? I swear that he was just born yesterday. He's only a baby. Am I dreaming?
Actually, I know for certain that I am not dreaming. It is most definitely real. My son is no longer a baby. In fact, he's almost 6'1" tall and I haven't heard his voice crack in months. He's a young man. He's a teenager, who is about to be a high school student, and connecting with him is the most challenging thing in my life right now.
He's had a rough year and 1/2. All 13 and 14 year old's do. Add to that all of the things that were involved in my ex and I splitting up, and that kid has had a really rough 17 months. That being said, he's amazed me with how strong he's been and how well he's handled things. I'm incredibly proud of him. I've told him on more than one occasion that I know all of this must suck for him, and that if he ever wants to talk to me about it, that I want him to feel completely free to do so. He doesn't talk to me about it though. Sometimes I wonder if that's just a teenager thing, or if it has something to do with me moving out. I hope that someday he will be willing to tell me.
However, his grades have been great this year. He even got a call from the high school asking if he'd be interested in taking an AP social science course next year. I talked to him about it and he said yes. I told him that it will be a harder class and his response was, "Good, I like a challenge." That was honestly one of the coolest things he's ever said to me. That's my boy!!!
I did make him chuckle last night though. At the moment, it's little things like making him chuckle that I'm grasping onto. He had his final 8th grade dance last night and afterward he went to a friends house for an after party. I know, an after party in 8th grade? Of course I was that horrible dad who needed the address and phone number of the parents. I got the address (I had to pick him up at the end,) but I never got the phone number actually. I wanted to fight that, but I decided that wasn't the battle I needed to fight. I figured that I had the address, I could always drive by if I didn't trust what was going on. I didn't, and I'm pretty sure that I didn't need to. My son is a good kid. I know that, and I try to tell him that all of the time, but I also know that wants to be "cool" very badly. It makes me nervous. Letting him make his own decisions is not easy, but I know that I can't do anything about it.
So anyway, I pick him up after the party and I'm bringing back to my house. (I can't tell you how good it feels to say that after he didn't come last time.) So we're in the car and a group of guys on Harley's passed us going the other direction. My son mentioned one of their headlights needing to be fixed. It led to a conversation about Harley's. I told him that I want one and he seemed surprised. He actually said, "Midlife crisis." I smiled and looked at him and said, "Actually, I've wanted a Harley for years and years." He seemed surprised. I told him there are two things that have prevented me from getting one. He asked what. I said, "First, money. Those things aren't cheap and I've had other things that I felt were more important to spend my money on." I was starting to tell him the second reason and he throws out the word dangerous. I smiled again and said, "Because they're dangerous yes, but it's not what you're thinking. I don't have one because of you and your brother." He looked at me weird. I finished up by saying, "I know that you want me around as little as possible right now, but I'd actually like to be around long enough to see you and your brother become adults. So I won't be getting a Harley until that happens." He chuckled at what I said. My son chuckled. It was a good moment for me.
I then went on to tell him that being a dad is a huge responsibility, and that I take that responsibility very seriously even though I know it annoys him that I do. He seemed to get it. Not all is lost between us. Actually, I will never let that happen. He's too important.
In two weeks he starts freshman football practices. I'm totally stoked, and so is he. I really hope that there are other dad's out there watching practice, because if I'm the only one (and I will absolutely be watching) he's going to be mortified. Maybe I'll have to hide so that he doesn't see me, but I'm not missing those practices.
Anyway...I'm not dreaming, but sometimes I think I have to be.....
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